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January 1998 Journal...New Beginnings

January 1st: Happy 1998! Well, it was a harsh reality stepping on the scale for the first time in 1998. I'm at an all time high of 263 lbs. God willing, it will never go higher than that. I started Atkins today and did 15 minutes on the treadmill. I've drank almost 64 oz of water goal for the day is to finish this quart I'm working on. My goal for tomorrow is to drink 2.5 quarts of water.

January 2nd: Finally decided it was time to go out and buy some clothes. I haven't bought any clothes since I've gained all my weight loss from last year. I have a closet full of size 7 and 9's but its hard to squeeze a 260 lb body into clothes I wore when I was 136. So off to Lane Bryant I went. I bought size 26 because I wanted to make sure they would not be tight. When I got home and tried them on they were slightly baggy. I think I may keep the tags on two of the four pair of pants I bought because I may be able to exchange them for a size 24 within a few weeks. Felt kinda good to buy new clothes even though they are large size. They are very flattering though and will be suitable if I get the job next week.

January 3rd: Day 3 and its getting harder and harder to keep the New Years Resolutions going already!! will I ever make it throught the next 362 days of this year?

January 4th: Fell off the wagon completely fact, got RAN OVER by the damn wagon!!! I'm not sure Atkins is right for me because I have a hard time staying on it long enough to get into ketosis. Everyone I've talked to tells me how much easier it is after the first 3-4 days, but I can't seem to get myself there...even with the extra motivation from New Years. I think I'm going to give CAD a second try. I did it for the first week of December and lost 4 lbs. Too bad I gained it back plus an extra 12 lbs over the next 3 weeks!! =P

January 5th: Tried to climb back on the wagon and almost made it back up! Fell back off again after dinner when I polished off the rest of the Ben and Jerry's ice cream that I ate at last nights binge. Again comes the harsh reality that I must keep ice cream out of the house because it is my downfall. I'm going to the grocery store tomorrow to stock up on healthy food and I'm going to try CAD again. It incorporates the low carb aspect which I think I need to control my binges, but allows me to have carbs during one meal a day which Atkins doesn't allow. At least with CAD I think it will be easier not to fall of the wagon completely as I will only be 24 hours away from my next reward meal at any given time.

January 6th: Lost 2 lbs this morning...where they went, I have no clue! Haven't been watching my food intake very well the last 5 days, but I've been exercising 15 minutes and trying to drink at least 2 quarts of water each day.

January 7th: Woah...2 more lbs gone this morning. With all I've been eating the last few days I don't feel like I should be losing weight. But then again, I didn't think I ate enough to warrant gaining 15 lbs last month. Strange how this weight loss thing goes. On a non-diet note, I should find out tomorrow if I got this really great job I applied for. The lady at the staffing agency said it is *very* promising. I think it will help my diet to get out of the house all day as well. Much too much free time on my hands to put food into my mouth!

January 9th: Eeeeek falling back off the wagon again...definately must stop this or I'll gain back those 4 lbs that mysteriously disappeared. Job update: the company I was hoping to work for didn't get their grant funding so they have to put the position on hold until the 2nd week of February. A positive note however, the staffing agency that was trying to get me hired is interested in hiring me for a position with their company that will probably pay even more than the job I was applying!!! I really think I need to go back to work in order to succeed on this diet...I have too much free time on my hands and its so easy to put food into my mouth when I don't have something to do.

January 13th: Fell off the wagon and it ran over and left me in the dust with tread marks on my belly. I long for the days when I was on phen-fen and had to force myself to eat 500 calories a day. (I know this is a bad way to lose weight, but I wish I had that same determination I did back then)

January 15th: I start a temporary job tomorrow with the staffing agency that is trying to get me into that awesome job I described earlier. Its nothing too exciting, but at least it will get me out of the house and hopefully not eating for 8-9 hours of the day that I normally do when I'm home bored. I'll keep ya'll informed how it goes.

January 17th: I feel so frustrated about not being able to stick to any sort of "diet". I am so miserable all the time, just want to crawl in bed and sleep all the time.

January 19th: I've got to take more drastic measures for getting this weight off. I haven't really been doing anything over the last two weeks except for trying to drink more water, and all I'm managing to do is maintain my weight. NOT GOOD ENOUGH!! I finally spent the weekend getting my bedroom cleaned up so there is nothing in the path of my treadmill, so I'm going to go back to doing 15 minutes every day on it. It may not be much to start, but I'm sure it will help get some of this weight off. I think it will be much easier to do more on the treadmill after I get some of this weight off. Its like a catch-22...its hard to do exercise because I'm too heavy, but in order to lose weight, I must exercise!! Uggh! Update: I did 15 minutes of exercise on the treadmill today! Yay!!

January 21st: Well, I must be doing something right...the scale said -2 pounds today! I've been trying to stay around 1500 calories and do 15 minutes a day on the treadmill. If all goes well I think I can post a 5 lb loss for January. Not as much as I'd like...I'd like to aim for 10 lbs a month, but at this point I'll celebrate every pound I can get off!

January 25th: Happy SuperBowl Sunday! The Broncos managed to pull off a win...first AFC win in 13 years...YAY for the underdogs! Since my favorite team, The Cowboys, didn't have a snowballs chance in you-know-where of going...guess I might as well cheer for the underdog! Didn't make very good food choices today, took my daughter to see "Spice World" (save your $6 and wait for the dollar rental when it comes out on video.) My 6 year old loved it however, so I guess it was worth cramming my big butt into the too little seats. The medium popcorn with butter won't help my big ole butt fit into those seats any sooner, so I think I'll bypass the movies for a while. Too tempting to go and NOT eat buttered popcorn.

January 26th: I've decided to give CAD another try. I was so successful the first week of December when I lost 4 lbs...I don't know why I ever gave up on it in the first place. I've been subscribed to the CADIS list for almost 2 months now and I feel guilty for reading all the posts and then going about my hap-hazzard way of dieting. I woke up a bit late this morning, so had "brunch" at noon of 4 oz of lean steak and a salad of lettuce, 1/2 tomato, 4 olives, and a tablespoon of Italian dressing (3 gm carb for 2 TBSP). Its about 3:30 pm now and I'm feeling just a little hungry, so I'm going to have a couple celery sticks with cream cheese. (Fat free kind...I'm still stuck on the evil fat theory!) I'm planning on having a huge chef salad, fruit and milk for dinner. I'm going to try really hard to balance my RM especially since I'm starting new on this so I can get the program down pat. Keep your fingers crossed for me, I'm determined to make this work! Have also drank 2 quarts of water so far today and walked a mile and a half.

January 27th: CAD is coming along great for the past 24 hours, I even managed to have a very balanced Reward Meal last night. I have a possible job offer to start tomorrow, but the hours are from 1-9 pm. I don't really care for the hours as it will take away all the time I spend with my daughter. The job, however, is only four 4 weeks and could lead to a permanent position. I'd only accept a permanent position if I could have daytime hours. At least it would take me out of the house for 8 hours and since its working in an Infectious Disease Microbiology lab, I wouldn't be able to eat during work! ;)

January 28th: Day two of CAD went pretty good. Only slip up I had was I drank two sips out of a soda outside of my Reward Meal. Actually I'm proud of stopping at two sips, because I had actually poured myself a full glass! I start my new job in about an hour, I'm a bit nervous. I'm also excited as well! It will be nice to have extra spending money and I can feel like I'm contributing financially to our household even though Pat makes more than enough for us to live on. Well, I'm off to finish getting ready for work, keep your fingers crossed for me today!

January 31st: A sighting of 259 this morning brings me to a total of 5 lbs loss for the month! My goal for February is to see a loss of 8-10 lbs. Since February is a short month I'm trying to set a realistic goal, so 2-2 1/2 pounds a week seems attainable. I need to work on exercising more, but at least since I've started work I'm on my feet most of the evening and moving, so its better than laying in bed watching tv all day like was my normal routine!

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Julie aka Jabbers