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October 1998 Journal

October 1st (246): Finally able to start the month out at a lower weight. I'm hoping my plataeu from last month is over and done with and I can get on with this weight loss. I have an exam this evening and I've gotten behind in my studies, so its time to play catch-up and learn the next 4 chapters before tonite!

October 2nd (246): Alexis' is having a skating party for all her classmates tomorrow...fun fun. They're serving hot dogs, which I hate, so at least I won't be tempted by that. The cake, however, might be another story. ;)

October 3rd (246): Today was Alexis' skating party...it went very well. There was almost a 1/2 sheetcake left after the party, so I gave it to Pat's parents to take home so everyone there could eat it up. I only saved 6 tiny little pieces here at the house, so even if I decide to binge and eat the whole dang plate, at least it will be better than eating a 1/2 sheet cake.

October 4th (246): Spent the day crib shopping with Pat's sister, she's expecting a baby in January. A little boy came running up to me pointing at my tummy saying "Look mommy..that lady has a baby too!" Ugh. How humiliating. He was only about 3 years old, so I guess he hasn't learned the difference between pregnancy and just plain fat. ;)

October 5th (246): Glad I only saved 6 of those tiny pieces of cake...I've already managed to eat 4 of them this weekend. Thank god the cake is out of the house now and I can concentrate on the rest of this week. I'm going to go back to a partial liquid fast this week to try to jump start and have a bigger loss this week. I really want to feel good about my anniversary this weekend. I know its highly unlikely that I can drop 6 lbs by Saturday, but maybe I can at least drop a few to be a little bit closer to this mini-goal that I set.

October 6th (246): Getting really tired of seeing that same number on the scale. I hope it decides to move down soon. Had a good day yesterday, kept my calories around 1200 calories and had a green stripe on Dietwatch.

October 7th (245): YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!!!!!! Finally the scale has been kind enough to move for me...even fully clothed today too . Today is the 5 month anniversary of when I first got serious (again) about trying to lose weight. Today I have officially lost 40 lbs total. *Celebrate*

October 8th (244): Yay! The scale dropped again! I had a good day yesterday, but I did go over on my fat intake. Even 90% lean hamburger isn't the best choice, I guess. Oh well, I still got a green line on Dietwatch, so I will consider that a success. I've decided that as long as I get a green or yellow line on Dietwatch, it will be considered an "on plan" day. I've made the Goddess of Weight Loss team page, everyone make sure you take a look at it! http://members.tripod.com/~Jabbers/goddess.html

October 9th (244): Had an ok day yesterday...calories were about 1550, which is a little higher than I need to be at. Had way too much carbs and fat though...We bought a loaf of french bread Monday when I made lasagne, and I've been eating way too much of it all week so it "is gone before it goes bad" I've been making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and cheese sandwiches with the bread... NOT the best choice. Thank god the bread will finally be gone today though.

October 10th (244): Happy Anniversary to Pat and Me! Today is our TWO year anniversary. I must say, these last two years haven't been the greatest, but there shows great promise that it will get better. My anniversary date also got me thinking about my knee injury that I suffered. It was exactly a week before I met Pat. That seems to be the thing that brought me completely downhill on my weight loss. Its so sad to think just two years ago I weighed 136 lbs. I have 108 lbs to lose before I get back to that point. It could be worse though... I could be stuck back up at 285 lbs like I was 5 months ago. Now THAT was pure misery. At least I'm on the downward slope towards 200 lbs...

October 11th (244): Have gotten slightly off track over the weekend; but weekends usually end up happening that way for me. My calories have still been between 1500-1600 this weekend, so its not a complete loss. (Or GAIN, I should say). My goals for this coming week are: 1. Drink 48 oz of water each day 2. Walk for 15-20 minutes each day 3. Keep calories around 1200 during the week, 1400 during the weekend. and my personal, non diet related goal this week is 4. Get caught up on all my classwork assignments.

October 12th (243.5): I lost 2.5 lbs last week so I consider it to be a great success! I had originally set my "mini-goal" to be down to 240 by my anniversary...it was a 10 lb goal, but I lost 6 out of those 10 lbs by the goal date so it wasn't a complete failure. I'm moving the goal date to reach 240 for Halloween. That gives me three weeks to lose 3.5 lbs and that is not unreasonable at all to shoot for.

October 13th (243.5): I have an interview tomorrow for a medical insurance billing company. I'm not sure that's what I want to do permanently, but I figure it can't hurt to try it out part time to see if I like it. The ad says they're willing to train, and since I'm currently taking Medical Insurance Billing as one of my courses, hopefully it will work in my favor. Did well for breakfast and lunch today, but slipped at dinner and had a carne asada burrito from an awesome mexican place across the street. I am not even sure how to calculate the calories, but will try to give it a shot in Dietwatch later...hope the total isn't too devastating.

October 14th (243): Had a good interview today...it was actually for a temporary service, which I did not realize it was when I agreed to the interview. I had really hoped to be able to speak with someone at the medical billing office so that I could explain where I am in the insurance billing course I'm taking. I really feel I have the ability to do the job, even though I haven't actually finished the course and haven't ever done insurance billing. But, will give the temporary agency a chance and see what happens. I scored REALLY well on the computer and typing tests they gave me...98% on MS Word, 96% on Powerpoint, 94% on Excel and 65 wpm typing with no errors. So hopefully they'll be able to find me something good.

October 15th (244): Had a horrible, yucky eating day yesterday; wasn't surprized to see the numbers up on the scale this morning. Waaaaay too much fat and sodium, nothing but junk food all day. Am going to go shopping this afternoon and stock up on healthy foods.

October 16th (242): Had a great eating day yesterday...all the food I had eaten the day before just gave me no appetite. The scale actually said 241, but of course I had to step on it again just to make sure, and it said 242, so I'll stick with that number until I can duplicate that on the scale at least twice in a row. (I'm such an obsessive compulsive freak, can't be happy just stepping on the scale ONCE a day...have to do it 3 times in a row) I went to a job interview this morning and got hired for an ob-gyn's office as a part time receptionist. Its just going to be on Fridays, but I have a good feeling that this will definately have great growth potential. Its a very highly rated office in Irvine, the doctors are some of the most well known in Orange County.

October 17th (242): Alexis had her first sleep over last night...I'm not sure I agree with the concept two is better than one! They both were pretty good. We made homemade pizza last night and carved a jack-o-lantern, and this morning I'm going to take them to the skating rink. I'm tempted to try skating myself, but I'll have to wait and see how many people are there. Somehow the idea of a 242 lb woman making a scene in the middle of the rink falling on her ass is not appealing. Maybe if there are not a lot of people there, I'll give it a try. Not to mention, it would be embarressing as heck if I fell down and couldn't get up! They'd have to get a crane or something to lift me! Had a fairly good eating day yesterday, despite the home-made pizza. It was very thin crust, so the calories weren't as bad as the super duper pan pizza from Papa John's that we normally order. I tried that Pepsi One yesterday for the first time. Had a slight after taste, but was definately a big improvement over the "regular" diet kind.

October 18th (241.5): Oi. What a weekend. I took my daughter and her friend rollerskating yesterday. Decided I'd get out there and skate too. I did pretty good considering its been 15 years and over 120 lbs since I last skated. I fell and scraped my right knee pretty bad, but I did get a good hour and a half of skating in, so I'm pretty proud of that.

October 19th (241.5): Long day of classes today. I have a mid term next Monday thats going to be really tough, so I have to get on the ball and get caught up with my chapter work. Had a good eating day yesterday and so far today have had a good one as well. I've been feeling really depressed the last few weeks. Sometimes things seem to be going so well, and out of the blue I just feel really down about my weight, about the past affair thing with Pat, and just overwelmed about life in general. I think maybe I need to go back to the doctor and talk to him about this depression.

October 21st (240): Wooooh Hooooh!!! I was a solid beyond a shadow of a doubt 240 this morning; even when I got off and on the scale 4 times to make sure! I'm going to wait a week to make sure its not a fluke and I can not gain anything before I let Marcia know that I hit the first -10 lb mark for our competition. I don't trust myself that I can *stay* at that loss without blowing it, so I'll give myself a week to make sure! Started my new job at the Ob-gyn's office; I LOVED it! It's such a beautiful office and everyone that came in was so nice and friendly. I was on my feet most of the day, and my feet are really sore. Hopefully being on my feet 2x a week will do something to help my metabolism boost up a bit.

October 23rd (240): Wow...have had a busy couple of days. Couldn't update my journal yesterday because my internet provider was down for the whole day and didnt come back up until this morning. I worked my 2nd day today at the ob-gyn's office. Its really tiring because I'm on my feet a lot working in the front office. I'm hoping I get used to it as time goes on, but the biggest problem is my feet hurting so bad. I just think my feet can not support the extra weight I'm carrying on it. My feet were used to supporting 135 lbs and are now carrying 240 lbs. I feel like all the cushioning in the bottoms of my feet must be completely gone. Maybe if I try some of those inserts in my shoes it will help. One positive note is that since I'm working I don't have time to sit on my butt and eat as much. That has to count for something.

October 25th (240): Well, I've been managing to hold on at the 240 mark, now I'm ready for it to sink to the 239 level!!!! My eating this weekend wasn't the greatest, so I won't be surprized if it even creeps up a bit. We went to the movies this afternoon and watched "Practical Magic" and of course had buttered popcorn. I did have diet coke which is an improvement over my usual regular type coke. Haven't been drinking as much water the last few days, so will work on getting that back up to 2 quarts each day.

October 26th (240): Had a midterm exam today and it went better than I had expected. So far this semester I'm carrying a 4.0 average for all 5 of my classes. I really hope I can maintain it through the whole semester. I haven't maintained straight A's since high school!! Food-wise is going ok today, nothing really out of the ordinary. I've eaten more today than I normally do, but not anything that's really "bad" for me. I really need to increase my exercise. *sigh* I know this is where I'm really going to see results. I'm thinking about maybe joining the gym again, but I hate the thought of paying $45 a month for the gym and not using it. The gym near my house has an indoor olympic lap pool which I think would be really good for me to use without having the stress and strain on my knee.

October 28th (239): Yay! The scale finally budged. I don't know what it is about my scale, but it always seems to get stuck on the same weight whenever I'm wanting to drop to the next 10 lb level. For example, when I really wanted to hit 249, it stayed stuck on 250 for 3 weeks. This time it only stayed stuck on 240 for a little over a week, so its making progress, I guess. *grin* If I can make it through the Christmas holidays without straying too much, I think I can be around 225 when the New Year starts. I'll be almost back to the starting point where I was when I joined Gail's Weight Loss group back in March '97. Last year I gained 13 lbs during the time between Thanksgiving and New Years. This year I'll be happy if I can just manage NO weight gain during this time frame, but I'm really going to try to keep losing.

October 31st (239): Busy, busy, busy week. Had three exams and worked three days this week. I really like working at the ob-gyn's office. Its hard to get used to being on my feet so much. I hope its helping raise my metabolism a bit. We're going to a friends for dinner tonight and then taking the kids trick-or-treating. At least that will count as a little bit of exercise walking from door to door!

jabbers@net999.com

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