February 1st: Today is the 15th month anniversary of my weight loss surgery. I honestly believe that it was the first day of the beginning of my new life. I promise that sometime this weekend I *will* get updated pictures... the old ones on there are nothing compared to now. I've lost a total of 10 dress sizes, from a 28 to an 18 and it's almost time to move to a 16. I can't believe how close I am to being out of the "plus" size section. I want to go into all those cute boutiques and buy normal sized clothing and not be charged extra because "plus" clothes take more material. BULL**** obesity is the last political group that its still ok to discriminate against. Two years ago I could hardly find a job, and the ones I did get through the temp agency paid way less than what I was worth. I started at Aetna 6 months ago and have already gotten a promotion and two raises of 11% of my salary. Tell me I would have gotten that at 300 lbs. There are downsides though to losing the weight...my depression that I've suffered for the last 4 years has come back with a vengenance...I guess I always thought that when I lost the weight everything that made me depressed would magically disappear. My therapist said that I'm a different person now, but I don't have that fat layer to hide behind anymore. I never thought of using my obesity as a way to shield myself from others, but I guess when I think about it, she's right. I never went out and did things for 3 years because I was ashamed to interact with people, afraid of the snickers and stares. Now I get out more, but there is still that insecure part of me that still expects to get laughed at and pointed at.

February 25th (185 lbs): I am sorry I haven't updated, I emailed both my diet lists to explain that I was in the hospital for 10 days for severe abdominal pain. The gastric bypass surgeon that I was referred to looked at all the tests they did in the hospital, upper GI, MRI, CAT scan, and he says my bypass is still in perfect condition. He said my "pouch" the tiny stomach my surgeon created out of my big fat stomach is in excellent condition and has not stretched out. The outlet into my intestines has not constricted or stretched out either. He thinks the pain is coming from adhesions (scar tissue) from my abdomen when the did my surgery. Unfortunately, they don't like to go in and remove it, because it will just come back after the surgery to remove it...which I kind of understand. He gave me this binder to wear which does make my stomach muscles not hurt, but my guts feel like they're all squished together. They also found a small tumor in my femur (leg) bone, but the orthopedic specialist thinks its nothing, but of course now I have to follow through that with tests and its just getting frustrating.

I know I promised I'd be putting up recent pictures, and as soon as I can get my health, job, college, daughter, organized, I will be doing that. I'm really proud how far I've come. It's just these little medical set backs that keep me struggling. They say God never gives you more than you can handle at one time, but sometimes I just have to wonder how strong does he think I am? Or maybe a better question would be how strong do *I* think I am...

February 28th: Wow, the end of another month, this month has just flown by. I'm going to Austin this weekend for a baby shower of one of my good friends, and I'm really looking forward to seeing Judith and all the rest of the gang. I'm also going to be spending some time with a guy who I really enjoying being with. He's so quiet and shy, sometimes I worry that I might scare him off, because quiet and shy I am not! He's a lot different than the guys I've dated in the past; he's very intelligent, sweet, funny, and I adore him so far!