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March 1999

March 3rd: Well, here it is...starting my third year with the Gail's diet list. I can't really say the first two years have been successful, but I'm hoping I can turn that around in Year #3.

March 8th: Ugh. This weekend really gave me a reality check on how overweight I've become. I was asked by a temp agency to work weekends for the month of March at Phoenix Memorial Hospital drawing blood specimens. I worked Saturday and Sunday and was on my feet quite a bit... when I got home from work each night I was limping because my feet hurt so bad. My sister offered to buy me a 6 month weight loss package at Nutra System for my birthday. I think I'm going to give it a shot...I'm going to be 30 years old on Wednesday and this is *NOT* how I imagined I'd be entering my 30's...150 lbs overweight and miserable. Blech.

March 9th: I probably should have gotten on the scale today to see where the damage lies. I decided to wait until tomorrow since its my birthday, and count that as my "starting fresh" day. Nothing like turning another decade old to start all over again with this weight loss journey, huh? First thing tomorrow I'm jumping on the scale and I'll report the damages. Maybe reality will bite me in the butt and I won't want to eat any birthday cake after I see the number on the scale.

March 12th (270): Ugh. I can't believe the number has actually creeped up that high. Well, I guess I can believe it...I've been eating like it's going out of style for the last 5 months. I was proud of myself for only eating one piece of birthday cake...I sent the rest home with friends so I wouldn't be tempted. I've decided that its time for me to go back to work full-time. I think having all this extra time at home just makes me eat more and lay around in bed all day watching tv. Besides, the extra money will be nice too. Most importantly, just getting me out of the house every day and around other people may help motivate me to get this weight OFF.

March 15th: Had the most depressing night tonite. Went to the store to find some clothes for my new job tomorrow. Went to the mall (Lane Bryant) to get some good quality stretchy type pants...they didn't have ANYTHING like that there! Went to Walmart and Fashion Bug...nothing suitable there either. Its so depressing to look for clothes and not find anything in my size. I see these department store manaquins and they're wearing these itsy bitsy skimpy outfits...I want so badly to be able to walk in the store and just pick something off the rack and not worry about squeezing into it. Please let this be the wake up call that I need to get motivated to lose this weight...

March 22nd: Again, it seems I've fallen off the wagon when it comes to updating my journal and trying to live healthier. I feel like a fraud keeping this weight loss journal..when there is NO WEIGHT LOSS. Argh. I had a bad sum it up, I found out Pat was lying to me about his quitting smoking. Now, I'd really like him to quit smoking because he smells so much nicer when he doesn't smoke, but since he was smoking when we first met, its not like it was something I was totally against. Its the fact that he LIED to me that has me just so spun out of control. He just doesn't understand why its such a big deal to me...its not the SMOKING.. its the LYING. Now I sit here and torture myself with thoughts like, "well, he lied about not smoking...what ELSE might he lie to me about." Definately not a good thing to imagination starts to work overtime. He's promised that he'll never lie to me about anything again. But then again...he's lied to me TWICE in the last month about quitting smoking, so its a bit hard to believe what he says. He's openly smoking now (outside at least... I wont let him smoke in the house...and he's been stocking up on the gum and breath mints so I dont have to smell the smoke.) He said he didn't want me to know he was smoking again because I was so proud of him for quitting. Doesn't he understand that by LYING to me, I can't be proud of him at all?

March 25th: I had an interview for a medical billing position on Tuesday...I really think I was over=qualified for the job. The office manager said she'd be calling everyone back the next day to interview with the doctor. She didn't call back yesterday so I called today and left a message for her wanting to know the status. She didn't bother to return my call. I *HATE* wondering if its because of my weight. She was a young thin girl...just can't help but wonder if that had anything to do with it. On another note... I got an email from Gail Graham...she just quit her job and she's ready to get back on the weight loss wagon again. She said she had over 3600 emails to go through, so hopefully she'll be updating everyone via her web page or the diet list. I really missed my buddy and I'm glad she's coming back. She's been such an inspiration to keep this mailing list and web page going for over two years now...and dispite some really malicious people that said nasty stuff about her on her guest book, she's still willing to keep this forum going for overweight people to get support. She doesn't have to do this, but she does.

March 26th (270): Ugh. There it print. 270. I opened up Dietwatch for the first time since Nov 11th. My weight then was 239 lbs. That's a 31 lb weight gain in just 4 1/2 months. I've got to stop this roller coaster ride. Each time I go back up it just makes it harder to get the weight back down. I'm heading upstairs as soon as I update this journal page to do 10 minutes on the treadmill. I know I need to do more than just 10 minutes, but I honestly have not exercised in at least 6 months. I need to start out slowly so I don't hurt myself or get too discouraged. ****Update**** I just finished 10 minutes on the treadmill at 2.5 mph going .4 miles. Baby steps, I'll admit...but every little bit will add up to something! Goal is to do 10 minutes each morning and 10 minutes each afternoon. Will re-evaluate after 1 week.

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Julie aka "Jabbers"