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May 1999 Journal

May 4th: New job has been going crazy since my supervisor quit just two weeks after I started. I'm now working without any supervision and its also the beginning of the month, so I have to close out last month and run reports, etc... I have no idea how to do these things! Haven't put much thought into weight loss strategies the last week or so, I know I need to get on the ball though... 11 months until the wedding!

May 11th: Wow. A whole week has gone by since I last updated. I've been so busy with my new job; I really like it, but it's been a challenge to keep up with everything since I have no supervisor. I haven't done much of anything to work on losing weight...ugh. Time is slipping away. Well...I take that back...since I am working so many hours, I don't think I'm eating near as much as I was when I stayed at home all day long. Haven't got on the scale lately...will step on tomorrow to see how I'm doing.

May 22nd: Sorry for the lack of updating my journal lately. The only thing I really do anymore is I like my job, but I have so much less time to do anything anymore. Sometimes I don't even read my email for a couple of days. Diet is going...well... lets just say Diet is not going at all. Time is ticking away and I haven't done anything to get motivated to lose this weight. At least I haven't gained any this month...that in itself is a first for me in the last 8 months.

June 14th: Wow. Almost a month since my last update. I'm going to try to start updating at least once a week, but to be honest...I just really don't feel like I have anything to contribute to help anyone else trying to lose weight. I can't even seem to get myself motivated, so its hard to find anything to write about. My mom and dad are visiting from Texas this week, when they leave on Saturday they will take my daughter back with them for a month. I quit my job today...I'm going back to working with the temp agency I worked with before I got this job. It's just been too stressful...I've been working 50+ hours a week, taking work home to do and no one at the company has noticed the hard work I've been doing anyways. Hopefully the change of environment will help motivate me again.

June 24th: Let's see...where to begin...My parents left on Saturday to go back to Texas; my daughter Alexis went with them and will be returning in a month. I didn't think I'd miss her this quickly, but I do. It's nice having more peace and quiet around here, but it seems TOO quiet sometimes...and I find myself thinking that Alexis must be getting into trouble somewhere since it's so quiet and that I should go see what she's up to. For those of you who have been reading my journal for a while, you might recall last year when I found out Pat had an affair with the only friend I had made since moving to California. (The whole awful story is in my 1998 July and August entries). Well, you'd think that after a year I would be over the whole incident...and most of the time I can handle what happened...but for some reason knowing it's the "anniversary" of when it actually happened is just tearing me up really bad inside. Last night I cried and cried and cried for hours. I know Pat's really been trying hard this last year to make up for what happened...I just wish I could completely get over it and stop beating myself up over something that is in the past.

June 29th: I know it's time for me to get off my *fat* ass and start doing something about this weight loss. I'm so miserable...can barely walk without limping. Yesterday I went to a job interview. She had me sit in this tiny little chair with arms and I had to literally wedge myself into the seat. She gave me a test to take and told me to come back upstairs when I was finished. Thank god she wasn't in the room to see me have to UN-wedge myself from the chair. It was less than graceful. I haven't weighed myself in a long time, I'm willing to bet I've topped the 300 mark. I'm going to weigh in on Thursday, the first of the month. In the meantime, I'm going to set up a plan of action, make up a shopping list, and lord willing, hopefully find some motivation. Wish me luck.